An Exchange of Five Letter Words

By now you know my secrets. You've been reading long enough to catch on. I'm not doing anything magical here. Just an ordinary woman who decided that she was going to get in shape. I've written a lot about the mental toughness of athletes, especially runners. It's the one thing I must keep reminding you AND myself when we tackle new challenges. My body can do this, but can my head?

When I run, I have a constant dialogue going on in my mind and sometimes those old evil thoughts creep in. The worst for me is a familiar, vulgar five letter word, G-U-I-L-T. Yesterday I felt guilty about leaving Sam in front of the TV watching endless episodes of Sponge Bob while I was out running. (Side note: does Nickelodeon ever make new episodes?) It occurred to me that I planned my route down a big hill instead of up the incline. The inside-the-head dialogue now screaming, "Loser, you still can't do hills." So I felt guilty for letting myself down. This was all on top of the guilt over the vacation indulgences that included a lot of unhealthy carbohydrates, aka desserts.

Here are some other things I have felt guilty about recently: allowing my kid to drink soda; not taking my dog for a walk often enough even though she is clearly obese; Girl Scout cookies; Jersey Shore (OK, that's a guilty pleasure); eating pizza while watching Biggest Loser; spending while telling my husband not to spend; the extra chocolate chip cookie I just ate.

Guilt is like gangrene. It can just eat away at you endlessly until you feel rotten enough to die. The challenge is to cut off the dead piece before it spreads too far. We all need to amputate our guilt in an effort to preserve the healthy parts of our bodies and minds. I think the easiest way to accomplish this seemingly difficult task is to replace the emotions that accompany guilt with healthier thoughts, emotions, and perspectives on our behaviors. I feel very strongly about this. Gangrene is one of the primary reasons I focused on psychiatry. Significantly fewer cases of gangrene.

As some of you are beginning to realize, the thoughts and feelings that occur while running can often undo negative feelings all by themselves. While I was running up a smaller hill last night, I crossed paths with the high school track coach, who waved at me, as if to acknowledge "hey there fellow runner". About a half mile down the road, I saw the Ripon College cycling coach speed down the street in his full garb, enjoying our nice spring day on his bike. He's been biking all winter but it was an honor to share the road with him. And suddenly, in that moment, that awful five letter word was replaced by a new one. P-R-I-D-E

I am proud of myself for running, cycling, and swimming to burn off the cookies and ice cream. I'm proud that my son does well in school and athletics while allowed the occasional soda and Nick marathon. And I'm proud to have a solid career with a pay check that allows for a few indulgences even when times are tough. Wow, this feels so much better than the guilt I felt just five minutes ago.

Take inventory of your guilt sometime soon. I am willing to bet that you haven't been out stealing cars, selling drugs, or burning down buildings. Now THOSE would be things to feel guilty about. But for the minor mistakes, the occasional slacker moments, and the pesky little things that really do not justify guilt at all? Forgive yourself now. Be reasonable. And take pride in what you are made of.

I'm proud of all of you. Happy running, walking, dancing, singing, and yes, even eating!

Brooke

A Bunch of Random Winning

So much to say, so little time. I am sitting here after a crazy weekend and my eyelids are literally drooping as I write. Life can get a little crazy and I've been feeling a little crazy lately too. So while the words all blur and run together, let me just tell you a few things that are on my mind.

Have you ever felt that you've reached your limit? That you can go no futher? That you've got nothing left? Let me assure that you haven't even seen what you are capable of. Some of you know my sister in law, Sara. Last year at this time, she was nearly diabetic. (Oh dear, I hope you don't mind me saying that. Blame my delerium. I'm a winner--wait that's Charlie Sheen.) Back to my sister in law. She took it upon herself to start walking. Just that, a little walking.

Those of us who live in Ripon couldn't drive to the Super Kmart without seeing her shrinking body moving through the streets of this town. She literally shrunk last summer and continues along that same path. Before I knew it, she was doing road races and power walked a half marathon in amazing time. So this girl DARES to tell us that she will not be able to run a 5K, she has hit a wall. Silly girl. It's all in her head. She is a winner too (Sheen again). Today she ran almost 5 miles.

Two years ago, I set out to run a 6 mile race with my friends. The thought was overwhelming. I had extra weight and a heavier heart, full of doubt. But with each mile I completed, I started to dream about the next. Two years later I have a half marathon under my belt and that six mile run is now a week day work out. Winner, winner.

I'm about to get a little off track here. My sister is sitting at her home in Plant City, Florida. They have a Strawberry Festival there every year. Plant City's claim to fame. But more importantly, she is majorly pregnant, today is her due date, and I will be there tomorrow. If I have any more winning left to do, please let the prize be a chance to meet my niece this week.

So, for the rest of you wondering if you are done being a winner. . . you're not. Winning comes from busting your ass, taking good care of your body, and believing that with each victory, you win the chance to prove to yourself that you can do more and more. You can run one more mile, climb a higher hill, swim another lap. Get it in your head now that you will continue to win and the victory will always be yours. Does that make any sense?

Bon Voyage,
Brooke

PS Charlie Sheen was not harmed in any way during the writing of this blog. I hope he gets help and I would be happy to be his personal psychiatric care provider for 3 million dollars per session. Winner!!

Two is Better Than One

I've never been one to have a workout buddy. I know that many of my readers have them, that special person they share their workouts with. I always worried that we would talk too much and wouldn't work hard enough. Or worse yet, I would not be a good match for the other person or I would be slowing her down. I didn't want to commit to anything with another person for fear I would need to back out at the last minute. Maybe I just never knew how to find the right person who has a similar style to me.

So how do you choose the right person to work out with? Should it be your best friend? For some of us, that just isn't practical. My best friend lives in Greenville and she could bust my butt in kickboxing. I live in Ripon and would prefer to run 5 or 6 miles. Working out together is not in the cards for us. What about your spouse or partner? For those of you who have been long time readers, you may be aware that I have tried working out with my husband. It's one thing to be competitive, but it's another thing to run to the point of vomiting just to be sure you beat your wife in a 5K. We don't run together anymore.

I had basically given up on working out with people. I have been a solitary woman on the treadmill, road, and in the pool. It was going ok for me. I was meeting milestones, pushing myself as hard as I thought I could go. It was this type of training that allowed me to complete my first half marathon.

And then my whole world got turned upside down. I met my match. Without even trying. It helps to have neighboring offices so that you have plenty of opportunities to check in with one another. (You know county workers, we really don't do anything anyway. But that's for a whole different type of blog.) Before you know it, a casual conversation becomes a friendly competition. One small comment becomes the motivation you have needed all week.

And suddenly I know what I've been missing by not having a workout partner. A really good workout partner wants to win but doesn't want you to lose. She wants her hard work to force you to work harder. She wants you to stay in the race with her. She knows that you are capable of way more than you give yourself credit for. And you both know that you would never accomplish what you have if it wasn't for the other.

Because of my new workout partner, I run 9 miles on Saturday afternoons. I have done 12 mph sprints on my treadmill (ok, so I peed my pants a little). I have put 40 miles on a spin bike in an hour and a half. I swam a mile in the pool! A mile! I'm not telling you about these accomplishments to brag about myself. I am bragging about her. Because without her motivation, I don't know when or if I would ever have pushed myself to accomplish these feats.

Beginners, if you ask me now about a workout partner, I will give you one answer. Yes, you should have one. But you can't have mine.

Thank you Courtney.