Hairy Situation

Just a few more days and I'm on the road, heading to see my family in Florida. This is my 7th year going to Florida for Thanksgiving and I've got to say, there is no better place to give thanks. I get to be with my family, stay in a gorgeous home for free, and I don't have to see any deer carcasses hanging from the rafters of our garage. I do just have one teeny problem with this trip. Florida vacations require the shaving of one's legs.

I know what you are thinking already. Shouldn't she be shaving her legs routinely? Isn't' it gross to let the hair just grow? Stop right there. Really? What is so gross about it? Sure, a woman's legs tend to be sexier with the hair removed and just the right amount of coconut lime lotion applied. Sure, it's the socially acceptable thing to do, in America. But think about it. What if NO ONE ever started shaving their legs? We could walk around with hairy legs and people would still find us sexy, that's what. No one ever would have known how we looked without the hair. I would like to find the first woman who ever turned a man's head with her shaven legs and strangle her.

Do you think the women who came over on the Mayflower had shaven legs? Doubtful. They may have had more important things to think about, like drinking water that wasn't contaminated or surviving a brutal winter. Maybe they were thinking about preparing that first perfect meal, just like in the story books. They were probably pissed off at their husbands for expecting them to make the meals all the time. I'm almost sure about that. No matter what, I would bet they had hairy legs.

So why do I have to shave my legs for Thanksgiving? Mostly because I feel pressured to conform. I'll be hanging out with my sister's cute, young, skinny, Florida girl, perfectly shaven teacher friends. We'll be sitting by the pool. In swimsuits. (Oh, sure, that means even more shaving will have to take place.)

What's the big deal about shaving your legs? I'll tell you what the big deal is, it sucks. It's a frickin waste of time. The hair NEVER stops growing. As I am shaving, it is already beginning to stick out of the tiny little hair follicles, laughing, daring me to run the razor over that same spot just one more time. The razor is never sharp enough, the legs never get smooth enough, and where the heck do all those little red bumps come from?

Needless to say, this Thanksgiving, I won't be thanking the person who decided women should shave their legs. Here's what I will be thankful for: my sister's healthy pregnancy, the fact that my dad doesn't have to work any more, my mother's genius, and my precious son. I'll be thankful that I am healthier than I was last Thanksgiving, and that all of my family is healthy too. I'll be thinking of all of you who are running a Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning, as I'll be doing my own in Clearwater. With shiny, smooth legs.

I'm thankful for every single one of you who read this garbage each week and then tell me you "LIKE" it!! Now I've got to go, it's gonna take a while to get these legs ready for a trip to Florida.

Happy Thanksgiving!